It gets better.

I was just watching a documentary on www.logotv.com. that was entiteld "It gets better'.  It was a very interesting documentary, that dealt with the "It gets better" video campaign, as well as following 3 gay youths as they each went about completing a journey in their lives.   Each of the stories were interspersed with video clips of the campaign.
 I guess I am a voyuer, I love to see into peoples lives, and get a taste of what it is like to walk in their shoes.  That said I am not a fan of reality tv shows.  I do not consider "The Voice", "American Idol", "Project Runway" or shows of that ilk to be a reality show, I consider them to be talent based competiton shows.

This subject hits home for me in so many ways.  I get so angry at the people who think it is alright to make laws to deny a community of peoples rights.  I get angry that people can terrify someone into thinking that death is the only way to escape their pain.  I get pissed off that it is 2012 and that being gay is still an issue,a nd that some people think that they can make us go away by changing some laws or praying the gay away. 
A year ago, there were a grouping of teenagers who committed suicide, they were being bullied because they were gay. I think their deaths were tragic, and they need not have killed themselves. It is awful that they didn't have a support system of family and friends.  What is worse is that idea that they didn't think that their lives were worth fighting for, that the pain they were in was not going to end.  It does end! It does get better! You find a group of people who love you and support you not because you are gay, but because you are. 
 

I had a unique coming out experience.  My mother was, and to a point still is homophobic, My Father was gay.  At that time I was living with Dad, and it was easier to come out, he didn't make it an issue and I knew that I would have at least one parent to support me and love me.   Here is how I came out to my father.

Dad: So whats going on with you?

Me: Not much.  I met someone,

Dad: Thats great.

Me: His name is Thane.

Dad: That's Nice, Tell me about him.

The converstaion with my mother was not so easy.  She said she loved me and that if I wanted to be "healed" she would find me a doctor.  We didn't speak for almost a year. and when we did start speaking again there were conditions.  Because I wanted a relationship with my mother I agreed to the few conditions.  Fortunatley, I can say that my mother has had a change of heart in the last 10 years and we are open and can talk freely with each other.

My sister called one night not long before I went back to school for the spring semester.  She said "Aren't you tired?"  I responded that I didn't know what she was talking about.  Then she said" Aren't you tired?  Aren't you tired of living a lie?  Jay we all know.  Aren't you tired?"  That conversation terrified me.  But it but into action a few small events that changed my life forever.  The first few people I told I was so scared, but they all hugged me and thanked me for my bravery and strength.

We all live in our heads and tell ourselves horrible lies, I did, it was hard being gay and closeted. Having people call you a fag, when you are not even sure if you are. The Fear of gettting beaten up. I hope I live long enought to see a world where LGBTQ peoples can marry, and walk down the streets holding hands, without fear of being yelled at or getting attacked.

In the Documentary one lady said "It doesn't get better. But you get stronger."  I agree and disagree with her.  You do get stronger, you surround yourself with people who help build you up, strengthen you. You start living your life in the world an not in your head.  You find someone to love you, someone who wants to spend his/her life with you, building a future.  Thats what makes it better.  I am so blessed with friends and family that look at me and see a man, a friend, a confidant, a talent. and not a gay person.

Wow this is really long.  Thank you for reading.  I urge you if you know anyone that is questioning their sexuality to support them, let them know that you care and will help. 

For more information about the "it gets better project" or "the Trevor Project"  click on the links below.

Cheers

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Manners.

Please forgive the upcoming Diatribe.  I think my generation was the last as a group to be taught manners.  My Generation being the folks from 36-42 years of age.  It amazes me and pisses me off how many people are rude.   I went to High school and College in alabama. Southerners, in general, I think are stricter about manners and raising their children to have them.  I have come into contact with so many people that have no idea how to react in social situations.  What is going to happen to them when they start to look for a job?  They will probably work at a drive through.  So many of my experiences with bad manners have occured with a teenager or a person in their 20's at a drive through.  The McDonalds nearest my job has the rudest employees I have ever met.  Not to mention that their grasp on the english language is disgusting, but I digress.  So for those unfortunate folks here is a list of do's and don'ts. 

When some one sneezes please say "Bless you"
When some one says "Bless you" when you sneeze, please say "thank you"

When some one says "Hello, How are you today?" Please respond with "Hello, I am fine, Thanks. And you?'   Also Acceptable "I am well, and you?" or " I am fantastic, and yourself?"
NOT ACCEPTABLE!  No response. or grunting (grunting is not a response)  or "I am good"
It is polite to ask the person how they are as well.

If someone holds the door open for you as you are entering or exiting a building. Please respond with "Thank you" Also acceptable "that is so nice of you, Thank you." or "Thank you. Have a nice Day"

When answering a telephone it is polite to say "Hello" it is not acceptable to say "Yeah" or "What?"

Our world is centered on text messaging, Iming, updating our facebook or tweeting, we are forgetting that there are actual living, breathing people that we come in contact with everyday.  Most of our interactions are just a few minutes long.  How hard is it to be polite and ask the cashier at the bank or grocery store "how they are?" or to wish them a good day when you are leaving. 
When I lived in Montgomery, this was the norm.  Every store you went into you were greeted with a smile and a "Hello"   When I still lived with my dad, we would sit on the porch and people would wave as they drove by.  Even if we didn't know them. 

Since I now live in Ohio, I have noticed that manners are a hit or a miss.  Hey parents, stop watching tv for a few minutes, and lets teach our children to be polite and courteous.  It will benefit them for the majority of their lives.

Memorial Day

Today for so many people is the kick off to the summer.  It starts the summer cookout season.  John and I are heading to wooster to cook out with Randy.  Then we are off to maple heights with Sasha to cook out with Warren and Jim. 

Today my family is gathering for a cookout.  I of course will not be attending because of the 15 hour drive.  I am finding it harder and harder to not be around my family.  Even though they drive me crazy.  I can;t count how many birthdays, holidays, and special events I have only been a 10 minute phone call.  I have missed my neices and nephew growing up.  Uncle Jasen is just a person they see every few years. 

When I was growing up we were surrounded by Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins.  We had family picinics several times a summer and hung out.  My Cousins were some of my best friends.  I am saddened that I am not the uncle to my neices and nephew that my uncles were to me.  And that is only because of the distance.  I have told them that no matter what, they had a home with me and that I would be there for them.  I just wish that I could back that up with my presence.

I am getting melancholy I guess because in the not so distant future my sister give birth to Aiden.  I again will be a voice on the phone. 


I wanted to take a minute and talk about the brave men and women who have sacrificed so much for the freedoms we have. My friend Josh is 17 and he is enlisted. This summer he heads out to basic training. I am awed by Josh for many reasons. He is blessed with an amazingly awesome family. I have known Josh since he was 13.    Everytime he sees me he gives me a great big hug.  He is not worried and had never been worried about what people will say about him hugging a gay man.  One time he was going to homecoming, he was asked by a young man if he would go to homecoming with him.  He told the young man that he was honored, but he already had a date.  He was not grossed out or offended.  Watching him grow from a boy to a man has been a treat.    I am proud of the man he is becoming.  I am glad that he is in my life.

I don't know what it is that makes some people want to enlist and serve their country and their countrymen, and makes some people not. I am one of those that does not have it in me to enlist. I am grateful for those people. When it comes to push and shove, I know I would be able to fight for my country.

Right now it has not come to push and shove.  I am proud to be an American.  I am proud of the Men and Women who have what it takes to serve.  I am honored that they fight for me and my family.  Thank you for all that you do.