It gets better.

I was just watching a documentary on www.logotv.com. that was entiteld "It gets better'.  It was a very interesting documentary, that dealt with the "It gets better" video campaign, as well as following 3 gay youths as they each went about completing a journey in their lives.   Each of the stories were interspersed with video clips of the campaign.
 I guess I am a voyuer, I love to see into peoples lives, and get a taste of what it is like to walk in their shoes.  That said I am not a fan of reality tv shows.  I do not consider "The Voice", "American Idol", "Project Runway" or shows of that ilk to be a reality show, I consider them to be talent based competiton shows.

This subject hits home for me in so many ways.  I get so angry at the people who think it is alright to make laws to deny a community of peoples rights.  I get angry that people can terrify someone into thinking that death is the only way to escape their pain.  I get pissed off that it is 2012 and that being gay is still an issue,a nd that some people think that they can make us go away by changing some laws or praying the gay away. 
A year ago, there were a grouping of teenagers who committed suicide, they were being bullied because they were gay. I think their deaths were tragic, and they need not have killed themselves. It is awful that they didn't have a support system of family and friends.  What is worse is that idea that they didn't think that their lives were worth fighting for, that the pain they were in was not going to end.  It does end! It does get better! You find a group of people who love you and support you not because you are gay, but because you are. 
 

I had a unique coming out experience.  My mother was, and to a point still is homophobic, My Father was gay.  At that time I was living with Dad, and it was easier to come out, he didn't make it an issue and I knew that I would have at least one parent to support me and love me.   Here is how I came out to my father.

Dad: So whats going on with you?

Me: Not much.  I met someone,

Dad: Thats great.

Me: His name is Thane.

Dad: That's Nice, Tell me about him.

The converstaion with my mother was not so easy.  She said she loved me and that if I wanted to be "healed" she would find me a doctor.  We didn't speak for almost a year. and when we did start speaking again there were conditions.  Because I wanted a relationship with my mother I agreed to the few conditions.  Fortunatley, I can say that my mother has had a change of heart in the last 10 years and we are open and can talk freely with each other.

My sister called one night not long before I went back to school for the spring semester.  She said "Aren't you tired?"  I responded that I didn't know what she was talking about.  Then she said" Aren't you tired?  Aren't you tired of living a lie?  Jay we all know.  Aren't you tired?"  That conversation terrified me.  But it but into action a few small events that changed my life forever.  The first few people I told I was so scared, but they all hugged me and thanked me for my bravery and strength.

We all live in our heads and tell ourselves horrible lies, I did, it was hard being gay and closeted. Having people call you a fag, when you are not even sure if you are. The Fear of gettting beaten up. I hope I live long enought to see a world where LGBTQ peoples can marry, and walk down the streets holding hands, without fear of being yelled at or getting attacked.

In the Documentary one lady said "It doesn't get better. But you get stronger."  I agree and disagree with her.  You do get stronger, you surround yourself with people who help build you up, strengthen you. You start living your life in the world an not in your head.  You find someone to love you, someone who wants to spend his/her life with you, building a future.  Thats what makes it better.  I am so blessed with friends and family that look at me and see a man, a friend, a confidant, a talent. and not a gay person.

Wow this is really long.  Thank you for reading.  I urge you if you know anyone that is questioning their sexuality to support them, let them know that you care and will help. 

For more information about the "it gets better project" or "the Trevor Project"  click on the links below.

Cheers

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/